My Story - Matt Jarvis

In 1998, I knew little of what suicide was. I had heard about it and of phrases such as it being a ‘selfish’ thing to do , but I didn’t understand. Once March 13th 1998 came around, I learned quickly how it affects families and friends.

I had grown up with Robert Westle and we loved making Garfield comics together, as well as play video games and making booklets about huge news events. On Saturday 14th March 1998, I was at my halls of residence in Sheffield and got a knock on my room door to say my mum was on the phone. She told me that my brother was fine, she was fine. She then said, ‘it’s about Robert Westle. He has died.’

I could not believe what I was hearing. Robert had died by suicide. He had been struggling at University but this was a total shock. I recall going back home to Ossett in West Yorkshire as did so many of our peer group. That first night we all met at the pub - it was packed. A sense of loss, grief, anger and confusion filled the air.

Robert was 19 and had so much more to give to this Life. I hope every day that he now is at peace.

I then faced my own mental health demons from 2004. Following a diagnosis of bi polar, 2016 and 2018 had 2 suicide attempts.. Self harm in 2021. I learned that mental illness and physical illness are linked. Wanting to end Life wasn't about being selfish. It is about wanting to take away the torturous pain that is happening in your head. It is a last resort to end so much pain.

When the Baton of Hope was first announced, and a request made for people to carry the Baton in Sheffield. I knew that I had to take part. To carry the Baton of Hope in front my friends, family and Robert’s parents, was humbling and an honour.

And it is that hope that drives me on to keep talking about mental health, my lived experience, fundraise and make a difference in suicide prevention awareness.

I look forward to supporting the Baton of Hope again in 2025 and being in Derby as a volunteer and hopefully read some of my poetry.