Bipolar Disorder: Part of Me
Bipolar Disorder: Part of Me, and What I Learn Every Day
By Matt Jarvis
January 2025
Bipolar disorder has been part of my life for many years now, shaping the person I am today. Often misunderstood as simple mood swings, it encompasses so much more - profound highs and devastating lows that have influenced how I navigate my daily life.
Originally known as manic depression, the term "bipolar disorder" reflects the complexity of this condition. In 2012, my closest friends and family began noticing something beyond depression. The mania took over. Imagine feeling invincible, like a superhero - an exhilarating but dangerous state. Risk aversion disappeared. I found myself engaging in behaviours that, looking back, were deeply unsafe.
During those times, I couldn’t control my emotions. Anger would flare into verbal outbursts. Even more troubling were moments I couldn’t remember - hurtful words said to loved ones that remain as fractured memories. I am fortunate to have family and friends who forgave me, but not everyone has been able to move past those moments.
Mental Health Awareness: The Journey Forward
The fear of losing control remains a daily struggle. Though incidents like a manic episode during lockdown are rare now, they left scars. Yet, over the years, I’ve learned to manage bipolar disorder more effectively with counselling, cognitive behavioural therapy, and medication. Keeping a mood diary has become a cornerstone of my self-care, helping me identify triggers and adjust my routines accordingly.
Bipolar disorder also fuels my passion for mental health advocacy. Whether speaking at events, writing blogs, or sharing insights in newsletters, I aim to shed light on mental health struggles. This is why initiatives like Baton of Hope Derbyshire, which promote mental health awareness and suicide prevention, resonate so deeply with me. Suicide has touched my life in profound ways, from losing a dear friend to my own battles. Together, we can help reduce these tragic statistics by fostering open conversations and providing support.
Living with Bipolar: The Highs and Lows
At its worst, bipolar disorder drains me - physically and emotionally. Low points bring physical pain and the crushing weight of depression, making even basic tasks like showering seem insurmountable. But these lows are only one side of the story.
Bipolar has also given me a platform to connect with others and share my experiences. Publishing my first book of poems in 2022 and its sequel in 2024 brought immense joy. Creativity has become my outlet, offering me and my readers a glimpse of hope and resilience.
Learning, Advocating, and Supporting
In 2024, I also learned that I am autistic, which added a new layer of self-discovery. This realisation further emphasises the importance of creating manageable routines and advocating for mental health inclusivity.
My journey isn’t about "beating" bipolar disorder but about coexisting with it, learning every day, and sharing those lessons. I will always be here to listen, talk, and support anyone who is struggling.
If you’re facing mental health challenges, please don’t wait. Seek support. Resources like Baton of Hope Derbyshire exist to remind us that no one needs to face these battles alone, that it’s ok to not be ok and to Let’s Chat.
Thank you for reading and for being part of this journey towards greater mental health awareness and suicide prevention.
I send positive thoughts and blessings to you all.
Matt Jarvis
